It started with us having some sort of virus in the house. Only a couple of kids had it at a time, but when you've got 8 kids and the bug lasts a week...it takes for.ev.er. Or it feels like it anyways. My husband is the pastor of our church and some of the kids aren't ready to go without Mama yet, so I kept at least half of the kids home each week. And we missed three weeks of church. That was rough.
We finally got to go back to church. The kids were excited, I was so happy to go back, and Daddy was happy his whole family was getting to worship together again. Dad was running a fever Saturday evening and all night, but of course he had to be at church. A couple of the kids seemed to be trying to get sick, but weren't there yet, so off we went. We were out the door on time and everything was great. Sunday School was just getting ready to being, when I started spotting. I was almost 12 weeks pregnant with #9. Terrified and scared doesn't begin to describe what I was feeling. I spent most of the day in the nursery, trying to stay off my feet.
Monday I was still only spotting a little and was on complete bedrest in hopes that our Sweet Baby Ezra was still alive and I could do something to help him out by being off my feet. My husband was sick with the flu and spent most of the day in bed. Hezekiah, our 14 month old, was sick as well, and was miserable. He slept quite a bit that day, but at night he could only sleep if he was in my arms.
Early Tuesday morning I started having contractions. I labored for three hours, all while holding or nursing Hezekiah (a comfort, but made it more painful), and during that time I birthed our sweet boy.
Grieving is such a hard thing to go through, but it's where we were. Thursday evening found us on our way to the ER as I had a fever. It was steadily climbing and my midwife said it was time to go. Being heartbroken, feeling lousy, still being sore from birth, being terrified of going to the ER, and leaving all my kids, especially the one who was nursing.....I didn't think I could take much more. I was at my end of what I could handle.
Or so I thought.
Midnight arrived and after sitting in the waiting room for two hours, finally being taken back, having numerous exams and tests done, I found I needed surgery. I'd never had anything done that was even close to surgery before and I was terrified.
Laying on the operating table, so scared I couldn't think of a single promise from GOD or even to pray, crying to the nurses holding my hands who were trying to encourage me, the LORD brought some advice to mind. A sweet friend of mine is walking this journey with me, almost having the exact timeline too, and her advice was what the LORD allowed me to remember. She was terrified when she had to have her surgery and what helped her was to imagine Jesus standing beside her, watching her and everything going on in the room. Of course He was, but to visualize it, that helped her. I was going into a full on panic attack when I remembered that. The last thing I remember was overwhelming peace.
So what do you do when you feel like you've been put through the wringer? When trials just keep coming your way and you feel there is no way out?
Trust.
During those first events I was okay. I was trusting in Christ and in His plan. As things started piling up, some all at once, I knew what I needed to do - trust and rest in Christ. Putting it into practice is quite another story.
I kept thinking "I can't do this!! Yes you can. Rest in Christ. Trust. He is in control, no matter what the outcome is."
Have hope.
I kept clinging to the fact that I knew where my Sweet Ezra was. That no matter what happened to me I would be taken care of and my family would always have Christ, our family, and our church family to be there for them. Even if that meant I wasn't able to care for them. (Might sound a bit dramatic, but since I had never ever had any sort of surgery before, that meant I had no idea how my body would react to the medication.)
Know that His plan is perfect.
What a comfort to know that His plan is perfect! He will never say "oops....didn't think of that detail..." Not one time has that happened and never will it ever happen. It doesn't matter what comes your way, if you are a child of the King, then GOD has you in the palm of His hand and will never, ever leave you.
Ask others to pray.
Some people prefer to keep things in a tight circle and some prefer to ask publicly for prayer. We're kinda in the middle. When I had unexplained bleeding with #7 that put me in the ER twice, with a short hospital stay and weeks of bedrest, having our church family all over the world (literally) praying for us was an amazing encouragement. The love, comfort, support, and peace we felt was incredible. So with this huge trial facing us, we wanted that again. We texted, emailed and posted on FaceBook what was going on and how much we were coveting prayers. We were so encouraged!! It didn't necessarily make our trial easier, but knowing how much we were loved and being prayed for was a great blessing. It helped us a lot. Even if you only want your immediate family to know, ask others to pray.
Let others help you.
I adore my job of raising my kids and running our home. I even enjoy going grocery shopping. No lie. And when I can't do my job, it's hard on me because of how much I love it. The day we lost our baby, one of my brothers had pizza delivered for dinner. When I was told by my midwife I needed to go to the ER I called my sister to see if she could come stay with the kids. She left within minutes of my calling and stayed until 4am. We had meals brought over. My sister, Momma, Gramma, and Mom-in-law did cleaning when they came to visit us. Countless people offered to bring meals or come help out. I know how much I'm blessed when I'm able to take someone a meal and I don't want to deny someone that blessing.
Count your blessings.
Through this particular journey I have been especially thankful for my 8 beautiful children that GOD has allowed me to keep and hold up until this point. There have been many other little things leading up to this trial that we have been thankful for: I got that weeks grocery shopping done, my husband had his paper done and turned in, I had cut all the boys hair, all the Christmas shopping was done...some of those may seem like small or trivial things. But to have them done and not having over our heads made life a bit easier during our really rough week. A major blessing was that I was able to have all women be my care providers. I started off with a male doctor and I wasn't comfortable letting him exam me at all and I spoke up for myself. The LORD was so gracious and the doctor wasn't prideful at all, was very understanding, and offered to let his PA be my provider. I was soooo thankful for that blessing!! From then on out I only saw women.
Finding those blessings during trials will help you keep your focus where it needs to be - on Christ. It might not always be easy and you may have to work really hard to see the blessings, but it's worth it.
Don't grow weary of trials when they come. Yes they can be very difficult to go through, or you may feel there is no escape, but remember that GOD has a perfect plan through this, that He *will* provide a way of escape, and work to bring glory to Him through your trials. Don't grow weary, mama.
We finally got to go back to church. The kids were excited, I was so happy to go back, and Daddy was happy his whole family was getting to worship together again. Dad was running a fever Saturday evening and all night, but of course he had to be at church. A couple of the kids seemed to be trying to get sick, but weren't there yet, so off we went. We were out the door on time and everything was great. Sunday School was just getting ready to being, when I started spotting. I was almost 12 weeks pregnant with #9. Terrified and scared doesn't begin to describe what I was feeling. I spent most of the day in the nursery, trying to stay off my feet.
Monday I was still only spotting a little and was on complete bedrest in hopes that our Sweet Baby Ezra was still alive and I could do something to help him out by being off my feet. My husband was sick with the flu and spent most of the day in bed. Hezekiah, our 14 month old, was sick as well, and was miserable. He slept quite a bit that day, but at night he could only sleep if he was in my arms.
Early Tuesday morning I started having contractions. I labored for three hours, all while holding or nursing Hezekiah (a comfort, but made it more painful), and during that time I birthed our sweet boy.
Grieving is such a hard thing to go through, but it's where we were. Thursday evening found us on our way to the ER as I had a fever. It was steadily climbing and my midwife said it was time to go. Being heartbroken, feeling lousy, still being sore from birth, being terrified of going to the ER, and leaving all my kids, especially the one who was nursing.....I didn't think I could take much more. I was at my end of what I could handle.
Or so I thought.
Midnight arrived and after sitting in the waiting room for two hours, finally being taken back, having numerous exams and tests done, I found I needed surgery. I'd never had anything done that was even close to surgery before and I was terrified.
Laying on the operating table, so scared I couldn't think of a single promise from GOD or even to pray, crying to the nurses holding my hands who were trying to encourage me, the LORD brought some advice to mind. A sweet friend of mine is walking this journey with me, almost having the exact timeline too, and her advice was what the LORD allowed me to remember. She was terrified when she had to have her surgery and what helped her was to imagine Jesus standing beside her, watching her and everything going on in the room. Of course He was, but to visualize it, that helped her. I was going into a full on panic attack when I remembered that. The last thing I remember was overwhelming peace.
So what do you do when you feel like you've been put through the wringer? When trials just keep coming your way and you feel there is no way out?
Trust.
During those first events I was okay. I was trusting in Christ and in His plan. As things started piling up, some all at once, I knew what I needed to do - trust and rest in Christ. Putting it into practice is quite another story.
I kept thinking "I can't do this!! Yes you can. Rest in Christ. Trust. He is in control, no matter what the outcome is."
Have hope.
I kept clinging to the fact that I knew where my Sweet Ezra was. That no matter what happened to me I would be taken care of and my family would always have Christ, our family, and our church family to be there for them. Even if that meant I wasn't able to care for them. (Might sound a bit dramatic, but since I had never ever had any sort of surgery before, that meant I had no idea how my body would react to the medication.)
Know that His plan is perfect.
What a comfort to know that His plan is perfect! He will never say "oops....didn't think of that detail..." Not one time has that happened and never will it ever happen. It doesn't matter what comes your way, if you are a child of the King, then GOD has you in the palm of His hand and will never, ever leave you.
Ask others to pray.
Some people prefer to keep things in a tight circle and some prefer to ask publicly for prayer. We're kinda in the middle. When I had unexplained bleeding with #7 that put me in the ER twice, with a short hospital stay and weeks of bedrest, having our church family all over the world (literally) praying for us was an amazing encouragement. The love, comfort, support, and peace we felt was incredible. So with this huge trial facing us, we wanted that again. We texted, emailed and posted on FaceBook what was going on and how much we were coveting prayers. We were so encouraged!! It didn't necessarily make our trial easier, but knowing how much we were loved and being prayed for was a great blessing. It helped us a lot. Even if you only want your immediate family to know, ask others to pray.
Let others help you.
I adore my job of raising my kids and running our home. I even enjoy going grocery shopping. No lie. And when I can't do my job, it's hard on me because of how much I love it. The day we lost our baby, one of my brothers had pizza delivered for dinner. When I was told by my midwife I needed to go to the ER I called my sister to see if she could come stay with the kids. She left within minutes of my calling and stayed until 4am. We had meals brought over. My sister, Momma, Gramma, and Mom-in-law did cleaning when they came to visit us. Countless people offered to bring meals or come help out. I know how much I'm blessed when I'm able to take someone a meal and I don't want to deny someone that blessing.
Count your blessings.
Through this particular journey I have been especially thankful for my 8 beautiful children that GOD has allowed me to keep and hold up until this point. There have been many other little things leading up to this trial that we have been thankful for: I got that weeks grocery shopping done, my husband had his paper done and turned in, I had cut all the boys hair, all the Christmas shopping was done...some of those may seem like small or trivial things. But to have them done and not having over our heads made life a bit easier during our really rough week. A major blessing was that I was able to have all women be my care providers. I started off with a male doctor and I wasn't comfortable letting him exam me at all and I spoke up for myself. The LORD was so gracious and the doctor wasn't prideful at all, was very understanding, and offered to let his PA be my provider. I was soooo thankful for that blessing!! From then on out I only saw women.
Finding those blessings during trials will help you keep your focus where it needs to be - on Christ. It might not always be easy and you may have to work really hard to see the blessings, but it's worth it.
Don't grow weary of trials when they come. Yes they can be very difficult to go through, or you may feel there is no escape, but remember that GOD has a perfect plan through this, that He *will* provide a way of escape, and work to bring glory to Him through your trials. Don't grow weary, mama.
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