A Question for Marmee 😊

My oldest daughter is expecting, which means *I’m a gramma!!* Specifically I’m a Marmee. We may or may not have googled “interesting names for a grandma”……but I won’t say. 

Anywho, she recently asked me if there was anything that I wished her dad and I had talked about before she was born. 

Interesting question! And one I had to ponder a bit. 😊

The big thing I came up with was how I was going to mama. But I didn’t know that would look like ahead of time. I wasn’t a big thinker. I didn’t have these thoughts of “my kid will never do this” or “I will never do that/will always do that with my kid” or even have any practical thoughts of how I wanted to parent. 

Once I had her, mama-ing was very instinctive for me. Very natural. I was the oldest of six, so I had that going for me. There has been many things my own mama has been baffled at how I figured something out because she never did it. For some, certain things are just intuitive. I have a great many things in my life that are NOT intuitive. 😂 And I am by *FAR* perfect at being a mama and I do *NOT* have it all figured out. Just ask my husband and kids. 

…….actually don’t do that. You don’t need to know all of that. 🤣

I saw a great fb post from I-don’t-know-who and realized that the topic  was one thing I would have wanted to discuss. And that is how I was going to handle night and sleeping in general. 

I took a screenshot of the post and sent it to my daughter, along with this text:

“*warning. Long text 😂*

(Pretend there is a photo of a very good post by some mama on Facebook that was worded very well about choosing to go right to their baby when they cried during the night. Trust me. It was very well written. Haha)

This is something that would have been helpful to discuss before we had you. But I didn’t know what my approach was. When you cried, I physically hurt. I couldn’t get to you fast enough. When people would tell me I needed to let you cry, it didn’t make sense to me. But I didn’t know why. I just knew I couldn’t handle it, so I went to pick you up. 

Now I realize that I just instinctively knew that that is what was best for you. And for me. 

In some ways it made it easier - you weren’t crying nonstop driving us crazy; I could just sleep with you in my arms…..

In some ways it made it harder - I wasn’t as available to dad for a season; I didn’t get to shower or use the bathroom when I needed/wanted…..

But you felt safe. 

You knew I was always there. 

You didn’t have to be scared. 

You didn’t feel hungry for long. 

You spent 10 months being held nonstop. 

10 months never ever feeling hungry or cold or scared. 

Always hearing my heartbeat and voice. 

I was always there. 

So to all of a sudden just let you cry….seemed wrong to me. And for me it was! As you got older, I’d let you cry for a few (literal few lol) seconds before I got you. And we built on that. In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t long before you slept away from me. In your own room. Like a big girl. 

But dad wasn’t prepared for that. He was never upset about it. I think there was a few times he felt neglected a bit, but it didn’t last long. He recognized it’s what I felt was best and he trusted me. But it would have been nice if I had been able to warn him hahaha!”

There isn’t a right or wrong way to do this. I have a dear friend who has 9 kids and she does the Cry It Out method. It’s worked well for her. Just because one does it, doesn’t mean another has to do it. Just because I handled sleep/babies my way, doesn’t mean my daughter has to do it exactly as it did it. Or like I did it at all! Each family is different. Do I very strongly feel it’s good for baby to not have to be alone? Yes!!!!! 😄 And I’d probably try to convince you it’s good too. 😄 But that doesn’t mean you have to agree with me.